Weak and Broken

As a girl, I observed my mother and her strength as a single mother. She was graced with the ability to step up to the task of raising my sister and myself (at that time I was a terror), without any help and what seemed to be without any desire for more than what we had. I remember loving this image of my mom; loving her strength most of all.
For many years, beginning at the age of around 7, I prayed specifically for strength like my mom. I began to admire strength and pursue this virtue in every aspect of life. I still admire my mom for her strength, but have come to face the truth that her strength is not her own, it is God's. He was the Provider, the Protector, the Father, and the Head of our family; my mom followed Him.
I took strength to a new level. In everything, I look at the situation with logic, pursuing the "best" choice and putting on an image of strength to succeed. I am tired, so very, very, tired. I am tired of trying to be strong. I am done with this prayer, and I embrace my brokenness. Now, my prayer is a soft heart; one which is penetrable, that gives in to being hurt. Now I pray for weakness.

A Colorado Summer

Well, we will see how long I keep this blogging up. I did want to share my summer and all that the Lord is doing with my friends, so, welcome to my life.
I am in Colorado for my second summer at Eagle Lake working as a camp counselor. Although I feel as if this summer will present many hard and difficult times, I am excited for what the Lord will do with me and through me. There are many lessons of which I feel He is teaching me and will work on through this summer. The most prominent is humility. I desire to be a student of God, soaking up His wisdom, love, and lessons from everyone around me. Going back for a second time, this task will be challenging as my pride will be fighting to make known what I learned from experience last year as well as hardening my heart towards all that I still must learn. "Therefore, if anyone thinks he stands, take heed lest he falls." What better place to learn humility than being surrounded by children. God has called my heart to the passage of Matthew 18:2 and 3 "Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. "
Last summer, God blessed me beyond all my expectations and wishes with a few good friends, but more than that, has continued to build these friendships during this past year. Since yesterday to tomorrow, I am staying with one of my dearest friends, Viki. Already, I am learning from this beautiful woman! Allow me to introduce you to my sister! She is someone who longs to share her heart, but is cautious, very, very, cautious in being vulnerable to do so. Yet, I am blessed to be someone she has allowed to really know her. We spent hours talking and the way she allows herself to express her heart absolutely amazes me! To her Father, she gives her every desire in the most beautiful, vulnerable, and delicate way. I am awestruck by the beauty of redemption in this woman and by the gift of truly knowing her. Her spiritual gift is serving and she uses this gift to bring glory to God. We moved bikes yesterday for this nonprofit organization to give bicycles to kids who cannot afford them. Viki smiled all during that time we helped, her heart was delighted in serving! She was delighted in God's work. Even as the rain and lightning came down, she held to that smile. This is an image to me of a child humbled to serve her Master, delighted to do so. I am thankful for this sister!
Tomorrow, I leave for camp, and so, the summer begins...